Million Dollar Listing Season 4 Episode 3: Make it a Double

So far this season, we're still seeing the dark side of the real estate game where sellers expect top dollar, buyers want the bargain, and the realtors continue to find creative ways to stay on top. No homes were sold this week, no footballs were tossed, and one of our guys even got the Russian boot, but things must be picking up, because they all need a little assistance.

Madison is stressed that Ismir is coming to the negotations, because emotions could ruin the deal. Ismir has already told Madison that he may be too nice to play hardball. Ismar feels entitled to the house, furniture and car and is presenting a ridiculous offer of $2.1 million, $400K less than the asking price. Madison has every reason to worry.

Now the car is a Shelby Cobra. And it's most likely a limited edition, specially-ordered car with a custom plate reading "Jamie K".

At the negotiation, the selling agent agrees to present the deal to the seller, not because Ismir demands "Do it now...I want the car", but because, well, he has to. The selling agent remarks that he'd like to have the car too, as Ismir retorts "but you're not buying this house".  Ismir looks as though he's about to throw a toddler-style temper tantrum. The agent calls the seller and we can only imagine how that conversation went.

Meanwhile, Josh Altman is in the kitchen with realtor Mauricio Umansky, who Bravo devotees will recognize as Kyle Richards' husband from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. This means he's married into the Hilton dynasty (shout-out to Paris and Nicky). Both guys' cell phones are ringing like crazy and are oddly in sync. Josh's mom calls, probably needing a ride from the airport, but business is going on, and somewhere in the middle of all the distraction, they agree to co-list a property with a 50/50 split.

Speaking of moms, Josh Flagg is with his, having a little caviar taste test. He tells us his parents have fed him caviar since he was six and I get a mental image of boy Josh clad in a little white robe, with a discreet emblem of Pooh, wearing white fuzzy slippers, and having a little caviar at the kitchen table with his toy phone nearby. That image is shattered when Josh tells us that it's Mom's fault for making him the pretentious SOB he is today. The phone then rings and it's an old neighbor from Readcrest Drive, where Josh used to live. She wants Josh to help sell her home. Mom has brought him luck, as moms always do.

Back to Madison and Ismir. The selling agent returns from his call to his and admittedly sugarcoats what the seller said..."it's not gonna fly". By sugarcoat, he means 'remove F-bombs. The seller counter-offered at $2.3 million with the furniture, but no car. Ismir does everything here but stomp his feet and hold his breath. He presents his finall offer at $2.2 million, no car. The agent holds fast to $2.3, Ismir says 'no deal' and lets the lifestyle go for just $100K. Oh yeah, and Madison gets the boot in the meantime.

Josh Flagg meets with Elizabeth (his ex-neighbor) and Farshad, who are ready to sell at $3.5 million.  But Josh wants a two in front of that number, because "it's like that with anything in life. Cars, houses, hookers...I mean, 2-something always sounds better than 3".  After a dramatic pause, the sellers agree to list at $3.1 million with the understanding that there's little room for negotiation.

Madison has moved on to a new listing client, Dr. Shaw, who happens to be a good friend. The home is in Malibu and once belonged to George Foreman. This means, we learn, that there were many mirrors and black marble, and the house had to be gutted. At least he didn't say the walls were stained with bacon grease. Well, Madison doesn't want to offend, but suggests a listing price of $5.695 million. [insert dramatic pause]. Dr. Shaw thinks it's worth more, of course. but Madison persuades him to list at that amount.

Josh A. is dressing for success once again, because it makes him feel like a million bucks. He's got a Broker's Open at the Hollywood Hills house, and the owner, Mike Palumbo, will be there, which isn't the norm. They've listed the house at $8,995,000 and I must say that it's absolutely gorgeous!

Josh's goofy assistant, Mikey, is here too and just in time to provide us some comic relief. This guy needs a bigger role, maybe even his own Bravo spin-off. He's reality gold.

It's booty time! I'm going to place a basket of these at my own door for guests, because booties scream "this house is special".

Josh expects at least 50 brokers, but we have to sit on the edge of our seats as Josh and the owner stand awkwardly waiting for the first to arrive. Mikey uses this time to sneak a snack from the pantry. Love it! I'm waiting for him to open some chips and drop a little salsa on the floor, then trek through the house leaving little salsa booty prints throughout the house. No such luck.

Mauricio arrives to check in and is pleased that the owner thinks Josh is doing a great job.

Cut to Josh F., who's returning from a party with Grandma Edith, who's all sparkly and pretty. Grandma is concerned that Josh is so busy and not returning her calls. Her advice is to hire an assistant...and to make sure that they have clean fingernails.

Madison is preparing for his open house in Malibu by baking cookies. It's a perfect day...the sun is out, the water is blue, and there are no voyeuristic seagulls in sight. Madison wants to move the Lamborghini in the garage out front, because he's "selling that lifestyle". Unfortunately, it's just not that easy. I'm surprised that Madison wants to put the car out there like that after his fiasco with Ismir, and I would totally love it if ol' Ismir showed up at the open house vanting zee house, furniture, car, seagulls, everything. "Just take the cookies and, you know, get out!"

Well, the cookies are a hit, but no offers come through yet.

Josh heeds Grandma's advice but decides to hire an intern instead, because, well, he doesn't have to pay an intern. Brilliant, since there should be a slew of candidates beating down the door for this opportunity to learn from the master, or get their fifteen minutes of fame, whichever comes first.

Now call me a cougar, but Josh F. is looking pretty hot here all dressed in black. Sorry to digress...his interview candidates are in and it's among 1) Kim, who admits she's not very passionate about real estate, then demands to know WHY she's not a good fit for the job, 2) the guy who's a baseball stadium manager with dirty nails, and 3) a pair of blonde, hot twins with one resume and whose family is in the real estate business. Guess which one(s) he chooses. Yes, he chooses door #3, because it's a perfect gimmick to sell houses! Besides, it's two for the price of one, which is actually $0.

Madison's new best friend, Shelley, calls to invite him to a dinner party in Bel Air, where she's got a cute guy she wants him to meet. Madision is reluctant, but decides to be a player. At the party, the set-up looks a little forced here and Shelley leaves the boys alone to get to know each other.  There's zero chemistry here, at least on Madison's part, and it makes him miss his ex, Frank, even more. Shelly tells him to "buck up, buttercup".

Josh A. shows his co-listed house to a girl who wants to lease it, because she's not ready to commit. He's taking the offer to the owner.

Madison is back at the Malibu house to show to a Hollywood agent coming out with a client. Guess who? Why, it's Josh A. Here we go, there's always some sharkiness when the boys cross paths. Madison makes the first zinger by telling Josh "snazzy suit on the beach. You're in the wrong neighborhood with that outfit, buddy." Cattiness is good, I like it.

Josh's client is a casual looker, meaning he's not really ready to buy but wants to be on camera for a few minutes.

Whoa...it's Maks from Dancing With The Stars. MDL is becoming the perfect storm for reality stars. First Ismir, then Mauricio, now Maks! Josh can't believe that Madison has never heard of Maks nor has he watched DWTS, because everyone watches it. Wait, did he really just say that? Now I didn't know who Maks was either...is that a bad thing?  But now I have a mental image I can't shake of Josh A., at home in t-shirt and shorts (or maybe a suit) watching TV and phoning in his vote.

Madison asks Josh if Maks is gay, and the answer is "no".

The home doesn't suit Maks, but Madison gets the chance to ask Josh what he thinks about the listing price. Josh says $5.5 million is pricey. He thinks it's worth a whole million dollars less. Madison bows up a bit, because doggone it, he knows Malibu and out of area agents shouldn't tell him how to price it. He sweeps Josh's opinion right out the door, but confides to us that he's concerned the house is overpriced.

Good, more Josh F. He's with the Doublemint Twins and ready to find out if they know the finer points of the business. They arrive at the new listing and the alarm goes off when they open the door. First test, fast, what do you do when the alarm goes off? a) call the policy, b) run, or c) call the owner? You have 10 seconds, girls. Panic ensues. Twin 1 says she'd try to turn it off herself, while Twin 2 says she'd call the owner. WRONG! It was a trick question, and Josh said you should call the alarm company. Girls, you failed the first test.

Second test: Is this house modern or contemporary? Twin 1 says it's modern; twin 2 says it's contemporary. Well they had a 50/50 shot, and one passed. They get credit for this one.

Best scene of the episode as Josh F. goes into entertainment mode. He says that when showing a house, you must float. You must feel like you're on ice, graceful, like you're floating...sailing away. Then we get to see the three of then floating through the house with Vanna White arms, as Josh says "I want to pay full priiiice". Now I know why my last house didn't sell quick enough. My realtor didn't float.

Final test question: Girls, what is this house worth? Together, in true Doublemint fashion, they shout "Whatever a buyer is willing to pay for it!" Bingo, they're hired.

Josh A. ends the episode on a high note. He and Mauricio explain to the owner that the lease offer is a great deal. It's $50K a month, and $600K for the year. Then in a year's time, the market may come back and he'll get more when he sells. The owner agrees, and everyone is happy.

Now had they thrown in a Shelby Cobra, they might have sold the house.

It looks like the drama may finally pick up on Episode 4.  Josh F's neighbor/client is getting upset about the house not selling. Madison is reducing the price. Josh A. makes the move on Madison's assistant. And Jimi Hendrix' house is featured.